they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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