Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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