no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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