I can tuck mytits in my pants
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Randomize
