so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Randomize
