I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize