If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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