My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
