So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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