Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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