4 words: hood of his car
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
