youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
