Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
