Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
