If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
