I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
