idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
