I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
