Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
