she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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