I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
