Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
