Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You ate ashes out of my bong
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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