...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
