I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize