I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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