Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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