I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
