If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
