remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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