The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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