My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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