Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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