East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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