oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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