Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
