Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
