Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
jump out the window naked night went bad
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
