yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
