well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
this beer tastes like vomit already
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
