Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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