I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
