I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
