So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
