see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
