so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
