so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Everclear isn't food dammit
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
