He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
