I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize