Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
