did you get engaged???
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Randomize
