There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
