I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
