After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
