can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
