I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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