we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
