Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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