Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
