real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Randomize
