it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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