i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
