Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
it's great music for shaving your balls
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Randomize
