You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize