i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
