Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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