Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
