i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
