Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
