I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
2020 sucks, I want a refund
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
