Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
