Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
