You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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