I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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