one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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