I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
