New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
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