i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
