You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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