yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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