i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
