I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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