last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
