OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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