Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
