Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
