your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Less talking, more tequila
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Also, beer. Big fan.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Randomize
