I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
