I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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