This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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