haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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