kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
nutella sex= disaster
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize