I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
