Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
