he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
