I smell stomach acid.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
