pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
