obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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