i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
