at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
We have so much sex to catch up on
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize