Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Randomize
