Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
they need to just BURY HIM!
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
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