if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
